Married, Fifty and Curious

Here is some self-evaluation, curiosity and thought about dating.

I did well with the ladies during my 30s, but I don’t know why. I am usually the nice guy I seem to be, but my first two wives would probably tell you I was a jerk. I look OK but I don’t turn heads. I’m an average lover; I’ve probably disappointed as often as I’ve pleased. Maybe it was good luck and timing that enabled me to have more than my share of girlfriends then; my career opens lots of doors, although the initial attraction is usually more about what I do than who I am.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be single and searching now that I’m in my 50s. Keep in mind I’m married and not cheating, so this is just hypothetical. Most of the fifty-somethings I know are also married, so they can’t provide much insight into my curiosity. Maybe you can.

In my early dating years, there was a process to dating. Guys asked girls out, opened doors, made most decisions. Guys made the first moves physically, but never more than a kiss on a first date. Double dates were popular (two couples sharing itinerary and transportation) and it was always clear who was with whom that evening.

My impression is that younger people these days go out in groups more than in specific couples, sex is the good night kiss and “friends with benefits” trumps “going steady.” Is this a valid impression?

So what is appropriate and common for fifty-somethings who are dating? Are 50-year old men put off by women who ask them out or who make the first moves physically? Is the “friends with benefits” concept as popular with Boomers as it seems to be with twenty-somethings?

Do our social priorities change because we’re over 50 or because we’re married or because the times change? When my wife and I were dating (I was 40-ish and she was in her 30s), our weekends included movies, restaurants and passion. Note that I wrote this on Saturday night, alone in my home office, watching a movie on the computer while eating delivered pizza. My wife was in her home office at the other end of the house researching something on the internet. Nothing is particularly wrong with our pattern; this scenario just happens to represent our normal Saturday night now and is nothing like when we were dating.

If I was single again, would I spend Saturday nights on the town or would I be home alone? Would I care? Are you single? Do you date? What does “dating” mean in 2008?

If I was sitting in a room with you right now, I might ask for your age, marital status and a description of your social life. If I was feeling particularly inappropriate I’d ask about your sex life. I’m probably older than you so I think I can get away with these questions. Care to comment with some answers?